today was just one of those days where everything i did reminded me of you.
every song i heard some how related to you.
i hate days like today because they remind me of the one
thing i don't have here with me


There's a fine line between
lover & friend
reality & pretend
hello & goodbye
to smile & to cry
what you wanted & what you got
being together & not.

I want you to know that I can't do this anymore. As good as I felt in the beginning I feel like shit now. We can't fix this. It was fucked from the beginning and we both new it. I want this all to end. It doesn't even matter to you because you can just go back to her. Isn't that what you've always done? You've made me feel like shit and haven't believed me and eventually, enough is enough. I want to let you go so bad but I'm scared I'll miss you. I know, as time passes I will miss you.. but I'm fine without you.

blindfolds aside, i'd probably still close my eyes
<-- I Caught Fire
i sware i never meant to let it die, i just don't care about you anymore. it's not fair when you say that i didn't try.

Through everything, it may be crazy, but I miss so much of the past. Only the good parts. The Summer. Even though it seemed so fucked then, now it's like heaven. Everythingg. Tennis, Habbo, Room Raiders, Bianca & Taylan, Swimming, Sleeping, Muskoka, The Rogers Cup, The Sleepovers, Humidity, The Warped Tour, Andrew, The Cruise, Being Happy. No matter what went on, I miss it. So damn much. I just wanna relive it.. but I can't. There seemed so little and so many problems at the same time. I miss it so much it makes me sick.


with 8 seconds left in overtime shes on your mind

come, break me down / look in my eyes, you're killing me

it's universal on this planet we won't ever leave

you wanna see me disappear? well so do i

smash apart what you created

at least it makes you feel something inside

if i don't say this now, i will surely break / i'll look after you

maybe you've started to compare to someone not there

i'm only dreaming, i've got to be dreaming, we've got to be dreaming, please don't wake me up



Where did I go wrong
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

We've been through a lot in so little time and I just want you to know, even though sometimes I feel like just backing out and giving up, I want to be with you and I'm glad I am now. If anything happens and I end up getting hurt, I'll be so mad at myself. You now, finally make sure I'm okay and believe me when I say something isn't true. You hold my hand whenever you feel like it, let me listen to the one headphone that works when I want, and let me have the last chocolate chip cookie. I know it just sounds so cheesy, but it's the little things make me feel that much more special. I hope for the next while nothing happens because I need for things to calm down. The past week has been emotionally draining & I just want to take this time to say that I'm happy.

After waiting, I know it was worth it. It's worth everything to feel the way I feel when I'm with you. I'm finally with you. Maybe it'll last? Who knows. I just wanna live in the moment..with you.. that's the only place I want to be. You make pain hurt less by just being there. I'm just happy and greatful even with all the other shit I have to put up with.

Take my hand and we'll make it, I swear. <33

So he's going out with her now.. now I know I miss him. Not enough to want him back, just enough to hurt. I thought I didn't care though. I had someone new to hold on to. It was good because I had no history with him, and I did and do want to be with him, which hurts even more. He likes me, I like him, but he has a girlfriend. He said he wanted to break up with her but now I don't know anymore. Everything feels like it's falling apart and I have no connection with anyone anymore.. not even my cloest friends. I feel so fucking empty it hurts. And I'm fuckign sickkk of feeling like this. I'm starting to wonder if him and I will everr work out. I can only hope, but I have no fucking clue. No clue what's going through his mind right now. This is so stupid. I'm so stupid. How could I have thought that I'd actually be happy. Hell, I haven't been in soo long. Then I look at everyone else, laughing and smiling like everything's okay with them. Maybe they aren't... but they can deal. To me, it feels like I can't and I just want to be with him so bad it hurts so much. He gave me hope when no one was there. He found me when no one was looking.
And it's not just him who's a problem. My best friend.. for 6 years doesn't give a shit that she's hurting me. Oh, she knows. But it doesn't change anything cause she's too fucking selfish. And maybe I was. But it didn't hurt anyone like I'm hurting now too.
I wish I could show him how much it hurts to wait like this and see what a mess it'll turn out to be.

so hurry up and let me down, before my hopes get too high.

Just read...don't judge. You know there's something wrong with me, I know you can see it..and you're the reason people ask me if there's anything wrong. You don't even try to do it, and I know it's completely crazy. It seems like you're never there, and you don't care, and if you had to pick between me and her, you wouldn't even need to think and you'd turn your back on me and walk away. It hasn't always been like this and neither have I. The more I think about it, the more I know it's always been you. When we were together, did we even try? I never called you, and you walked away from me at lunch. At least then we had a reason to be together.
I want to be able to come to you with my problems and be able to cry on your shoulder. And I want you to be able to put your arm around me and hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay, because we're together.
But I know you don't care anymore.
& I know it wouldn't make a difference if I told you I still miss you.